My son has never mentioned being bullied in school this year, but his teachers have. When I present him with information obtained from teachers, he seems to be oblivious. Once I actually had to spell it out, "You know, that thing that happened in the hall.....in front of your locker....." Blank stare with signs of thinking hard. "...with a plastic fork...." Then I get recognition-"Oh that! We were just kidding around Mom. He's not a bully. He's just really hyper sometimes." Hmmmmm I say.
Last night we got a phone call from the teacher's substitute who was worried about my son being picked on. After a lengthy discussion with my son and some pointed questions about what this "bully" is like, I got some insight into my son's way of thinking.
The situation is this: The bully bothers him; he sometimes loses his temper and strikes back; he sometimes tells the teacher and Bully-boy is sent to the Principal; he sometimes ignores him and suffers through until Bully-boy gets bored and moves onto his next target.
It basically boils down to this: My son would rather be the kid who keeps his nose clean and gets annoyed by Bully-boy sometimes, than to be the kid who gets into fights so he is left alone.
My son says he often hates Bully-boy, but at the same time feels really sorry for him. Bully-boy deals with ADD, but without medication, and my son knows what that is like. He also knows what it is like to bully, because he often tells his little brother what to do. At some level, he identifies with the bully.
So I'm a bit torn. On one hand I think, "My sweet, loving boy who feels compassion for the misunderstood giant Bully-boy!", as a tear of pride rolls down my cheek. On the other hand, I think, "He has to learn to stand up for himself and not be pushed around. He has to let Bully-boy know that this sort of garbage won't be tolerated!", as I ball up my fists.
So which side wins? I can't help but think of the popular adage "What would Jesus do?" More to the point, "What would Jesus' mom do?"
4 comments:
Simon tends to get bullied at school and we as mom's walk a very fine line. When I feel the bully has crossed the line, I have been known to make a phone call or two. Simon is a smart kid and has a way of getting back at the bully, remember brains trump brawn!
I say since he is moving homes and away from bully-boy, let him keep handling it in his own way but keep the lines of communication open with Sam so you know for sure what is happening. Then on the last day of school, after Sam has left, tell the bully-boy that you guys are going into the witness protection program for something else and that he better watch his back in case someone tries to bully him and he has to move. But then what do I know. If it were my kid, I would probably beat up bully-boy and get put into jail.
FYI girls -
My mom jumped in and rescued me from bullies when I was a kid and I'm certain it made me part of the messed-up guy I am at times. My advice, do some reading on the subject and let dad take care of it by talking your child. Rescuing isn't healthy in many ways and it is "a thin line", in my view.
I say tell him to turn the other cheek with a stiff right hook punch in reserve, because there's no sense in getting yourself slapped silly- and really, brains only get you so far, then you've got to have something to back you up.
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