I'm in a bit of a funk. It's been hanging onto me for the last week. I had a bad cold, which put me in bed for a few days, and I've just stayed there as much as possible since then.
Yes, it was sad to send my sisters back. Yes, it is largely hormonal. Yes, the packing is overwhelming and my house always seems in disarray these days. All those things add to it. But I think my brother hit the nail on the head in a conversation we had when he said that I might be misunderstood. (Let's face it, don't we all feel "misunderstood" sometimes?)--but I really think I fit the bill this time.
He said that it's probably tough for me to be excited at finally 'coming home' when really what I am doing is leaving home. My home is here, and I am sad to leave it. True, moving to a familiar place gives me a comfortable place to land, but I'm still leaving my home. And it's never fun to do that.
Utah was my home, and it will be my home again someday. But right now, Washington is my home.
Please, friends and family, understand that I am very happy to be among you again, and I am glad that you want me there. But I am very sad to have to leave. It's really hard for me and on some level I really don't want to go. Please be patient with me when I mourn the loss of my previous life while building my new one in an old place. I'm not going home, I'm leaving it.
3 comments:
Michelle, you have the great quality of making new homes wherever life takes you. Eventually you will have a new home--Your home--in Utah, too. But for the first while, we'll be happy to accept you even if you are mentally "just visiting".
I send my love. I wish I could send Melinda--she'd help you organize and help pack. Me, I wouldn't be much help. I'd just want to sightsee and chat, and I'm not a very good organizer or packer.
Mich
I understand completely and know exactly what you are going through. Almost every day I want to go back to Phoenix and supposedly I'm "home" here in Utah. I'll be depressed with you, anytime.
Mich,
I am so sorry you feel that way but I really do understand. I can't imagine leaving the life I have even if it is to a comfort zone. You have been out of the Utah comfort zone for so long that it is not your comfort zone any more. Washington is your comfort zone now. I will do everything I can to help you transition. I love you Mich.
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