Villains and Thieves

Perhaps my life isn't too exciting. Or perhaps it's the song about "Shady Sadie" that runs through my head all day. Whatever it is, I'm starting to suspect criminal activity all around me.
The other day we were confessing our sins, including such atrocities as swiping superballs from the grocery store and trying to make off with wine coolers from 7-11 when under the drinking age. I, of course, was inclined to confess a horrible crime from my past.
It was Heidi Mudrow's 8th birthday party. The game: Pin the tail on the donkey. Just put on the blindfold, spin a few times and hurl yourself toward the donkey's hind end to be the one to get the closest to the target. Maybe it was my gargantuan heed (see So I Married an Axe Murderer), but the blindfold didn't quite fit snugly enough, and I could peek right under it. Wobbling my way convincingly toward the donkey, I very deftly placed my tail a few millimeters off the target so as not to arouse suspicion. And I won the prize: Crayola Modeling Clay. Which remained unopened until it completely dried up and was eventually discarded. My guilt would not allow me to enjoy my prize.
And so it was that when a woman came into the lunchroom mumbling, my mind immediately went to illegal activity. She came in saying "OK I just have to stand here for a minute, pretending to talk to you--you know, I'm looking for the Gingerbread Man." And then she darted out into the hallway. I turned to my fellow co-worker and said "Gingerbread Man? Is that a code for drugs? Like when you make quotation marks in the air and say purposefully Gingerbread Man?" To which she replied, "Well I guess since we don't know, we must not be dealers."
I've worked with shady people before. At the flower shop, I worked with a tall, buff woman who sold pot on the side. I liked her, too. But sometimes she scared me. She carried a knife.--She's got a knife! You idiots. We've all got knives.--(see Aladdin).
It just goes to show that hardened criminals are people too.